Two Birthday parties in one day!

It couldn't have happened at a better time. After being cooped up for several weeks, we were all finally well enough to venture out on Saturday (this is a little out of order).

One of Kailyn's friends from school turned four, and she had a princess ballerina party. It was so cute watching the girls dress up, dance around the living room, and get their nails painted. I brought Charlie along, too, and he especially loved all the pretty girls!

Then, after naptime, we got to head over to Elias' 2nd birthday. We had so much fun playing on the sledding hill (mountain after the dads got through with it!). It was some nice family time and some YUMMY chili!!!!

After such a long day of partying, Charlie was wiped out!

Finally!

I am not sure why, but Charlie has had the worst time getting these crackers into his mouth. I have no idea what it is about them, because he surely has nooooo trouble at all getting anything and everything else in there, but so far as actual food, he's had a few issues. You can imagine his excitement when, after about two weeks of trying, he made it in all on his own! Go Charlie! Just one step closer to wiping your own hiney!!

Dad got Kailyn ready for ballet

He just couldn't stand that she looked so girly in her pink leotard, pink tights, pink shoes, and, if I had done her hair, pink bow. But dad got her ready this morning... see if you can tell =).

Hope?

Only one question mark this morning. Did you notice?

Last night was fabulous. 10 and 5. Those are the times that he woke up and needed me. 10:00, I fed him, 5:00 I gave him the pacifier and held him for at least like 3 seconds. I sang to him this morning one of my favorite songs: "You are my sunshine..." and this morning, that's what he was to me - a total ray of sunshine. We were both so happy.

Hope??

Funny, I had forgotten how mom's love to help other moms. Absolutely no sarcasm here, really, I was amazed at the outpouring of advice and well wishes for Charlie and his sleep issues. Since he is not my first, I haven't really gotten that much advice from other moms. I remember with Kailyn that lots of people were happy to share their opinions... often... even if they didn't have kids. To the point of, can I admit, slight annoyance. But with Charlie I guess most people have assumed we've got it figured out.

Until I mention that I don't... my goodness! I thank all the people that called and emailed what worked (and didn't work) for their kids. Which brings me to what is one of the most difficult (to me) parts of child rearing. There is no "one way," no "silver bullet," and certainly no "manual" that will help any of us along. A couple of moms are adamant that the "cry it out" method is the way to go and I am just prolonging the issue by not doing it. Others think that's kind of mean and have offered other ideas, including putting him back in our bed. One mom went through the same thing with her little guy just recently and it continued from month 7-11, then just kind pf petered out, suggesting it might just be a "phase." Another mom loved the "cry it out" with her first but then found that it didn't work at all for her second. So, I had forgotten about all the advice that will come your way if asked, but more importantly, I had forgotten how all the advice will seem to contradict each other and really land you back to square one... with no idea what path to choose.

So, after a long talk with one of my favorite and most admired moms in the world, who, in fact, used the "cry it out" method but thought that it was so hard she and her husband had a bonfire outside so she couldn't hear the crying, I was starting to form a plan. While not responding to my baby's cries feels very unnatural to me, especially when I am not convinced that he is not hungry, I am nearly to the point of exhaustion and am willing to try most anything short of drugging my child (which was also suggested!). However, since this goes against my instincts, I am not going to do it right now. I am going to wait a week or two, recheck his weight, and see where we are. Charlie and I have talked about this, too, and amazingly, I think he was listening to his mama...

Because.... for two nights now, he has only woken up twice. I take that back. He's woken up a few times more than that, but HE HAS STARTED TO PUT HIMSELF BACK TO SLEEP!! Did he sense my desperation? One friend suggested that he likes to be snuggled at night because I held him alot when he was a newborn. Which got me to thinking: I used to hold him alot more than I do. So, I have added in some extra snuggle time during the day, especially since I have really cut back on nursing. Both my kids have been very snuggly babies (which I LOVE!), and I almost think that they need this like they need food. We also put him in a super warm bunting, which I was originally hesitant to do because they warn not to allow your baby to overheat. But I know my guy, and he LIKES TO BE WARM!! Other than that, we are just making a concerted effort to fill him up during the day, especially with filling solids.

So, I hope that I haven't jinxed myself by hoping that maybe we won't have to "cry it out" after all. But I haven't forgotten the idea. He was regularly waking up at 11, 1, and 4. Last night he woke up at 12, put himself back to sleep without crying, then woke up at 1:15 and was hungry. Really hungry - he ate 8 oz!! After that, he slept until 5, and Brian was able to help him back to sleep in about, I don't know, 4 seconds. Not bad, if you ask me. I can handle this.... Hopefully, he'll give up that early morning wake up, and then we can work on no more feedings if we can fill him up during the day. I think that we are on the right track....

Numbers

41 - The number of minutes that it took my little guy to finally cry himself to sleep last night.

56 - The number of minutes that it took me to cry myself to sleep after Charlie was "sleeping."

58 - The number of minutes that he "slept" after crying himself to sleep.

5 - The number of things that I later realized he had thrown up all over and therefore needed to be changed out.

160 - The number of reasons that the Ferber (cry it out) method is not for our family.

4 - The number of hours that we peacefully slept once I gave in and brought him to our bed.

So what can I do? Charlie has turned into the worst sleeper I know. When he was first born, he would regularly sleep 5 hours, especially if it was with me. By 6 weeks, he was in his crib and sleeping through the night. By 3 months, and through month 4, we would regularly get 10 hours straight, though occasionally he would wake up once to nurse.

About month 5 (mid-January, coincidentally.... how do they know??), he started having some issues. I knew that my milk supply was down, so I began nursing him as often as he wanted. Our schedule therefore got a little off, but what do you do when your baby is hungry? So, he learned to go to sleep by nursing. NOT GOOD. Got my milk back up and started to work on falling asleep without me again, and we did OK for the most part. Gone were the 10 hour nights, though. He went from sometimes waking up once a night, to always waking up once, to sometimes waking up twice, to always waking up twice, and now we are at always waking up THREE times and sometimes waking up FOUR!!

I truly cannot do it anymore. It would be one thing if he was my only child and I could sleep some during the day. And Kailyn has been an absolute angel - she will sit and watch Super Why! and Sesame Street as long as I need her to, but that's not exactly the kind of parent I want to be. So, for lack of anything else to try, I gave the Ferber method a go last night. It was horrible. The sound of Charlie screaming for help was the most horrible sound I think that I have ever heard. I felt so guilty that I could not go help my baby, but I realize that he needs the sleep as much as I do. And now that I have another baby to take care of, we all really need the shut eye. I have got to get him to sleep more one way or the other.

So what do I do? I don't think that the "cry it out" way is for me. But do I tough it out and try again? Is it normal for them to get so upset that they throw up?

We've had to start supplementing and Brian suggested maybe we should try some soy formula. As soon as Charlie wakes up we are headed to the store to get some and see if that helps.

Do I stop fighting it and let him sleep with us for a few weeks to get him back on a good sleep schedule? A big part of this all, I think, is that he really likes to snuggle. Does he know that his time as "the baby" is limited, so he's banking it up?

I don't know what the answer is. I am nervous that if he does sleep with me, I'll have a new battle to fight when I try to get him back in his crib. I had no problems getting either of my guys in the crib the first time, but they were both pretty young when they stopped sleeping with me.

What I do know is that I am at my absolute wits end. The combination of no-sleep (I am averaging 5 hours a night, broken up into 1-hour, then 2-hours, then 1-hour, then 1-hour), and the hormones that come along with a new pregnancy have made me a wreck. If you'd like to send me an email with your thoughts, I'll take them =).

Two Lines

Well, I spent Wednesday packing away my maternity clothes (really, I did this), and searching for the phone number to call my doctor in Anchorage to get a general physical. I've been going to the bathroom alot and wanted to make sure that I don't have diabetes, and plus, I figured it would be good to have a physical - I was having all kinds of aches and pains that didn't seem normal.
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On Tuesday I finally admitted that my jeans were a little snug, even though I have been eating pretty healthy and walking most every day.
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On Monday Kailyn mentioned to us both that she wanted 6 kids in the family and wondered if there was a baby in my tummy yet.
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On Saturday, I had bought a pregnancy test thinking that I could be getting my period soon, and I am a worry wart so I almost always have a test in the house.
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Exactly a week prior, I had JOKINGLY mentioned to Shelly at the quilt shop that I am STARVING all the time and don't understand why - it's like I am pregnant I told her. I thought maybe it's because I've been walking so much. In all this time, the obvious never presented itself to me as that... it actually never really even crossed my mind. After all, I HAVE A BABY!! And he just turned six months!!! WHY would I think pregnancy?? Do you know what the chances of getting pregnant in the first six months after giving birth are? No?? Let me tell you. TWO PERCENT. Or, given another way, there is a 98% chance that you will not get pregnant in the first six months after giving birth. Yes, 98%.
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So as I was bringing a few things upstairs on Wednesday night, including the test, Brian asks ever so innocently, "what in the world is that??"
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"Oh," I answer, "I just like to have these in the house just in case we have a scare."
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"Are you going to take one now?" he asked.
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"I don't know.... I wasn't going to waste it.... I don't know, I guess I could, just to rule that out. I'll try to take it in the morning one day because that's the best time anyways."
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As I walked up the stairs, I thought, why wait till morning, just take it now. I knew I'd probably forget if I didn't. So I turned on the shower and took the test while the water was heating up. I went to put the cap on, because, as many of you know, it is SUPPOSED TO TAKE TWO MINUTES to show any lines. Well, the circle window was already blue. I looked at the directions thinking, "that's strange, these say that the control window is the second window..."
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I put the test down thinking I was reading it wrong and continued getting ready for the shower.
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Just before stepping in, I checked again with fresh eyes to see how I was supposed to read it, and low and behold, the control window also had a line. It took me a full minute to realize what that seemed to mean, but still, I thought that I must not understand the directions, though I will admit that they are pretty straight forward. I grabbed the directions, the test, and a towel, and went running downstairs, sobbing and in total shock. All I could say as I shoved the directions at my poor, unknowing husband, was "am I reading this right??" He didn't even need to look at it to know what that meant.
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I handled my shock by sobbing, he handled his by laughing. Uncontrollably, hysterically laughing. Which got me to laughing, then crying, then laughing.
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I spent the next day at the doctor's office waiting to find out how far along I was. When the nurse asked about my lmp, she corrected me when I said November 08, 2007. "You mean 2008?"
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"Nope, I mean 2007. This little guy right here is mine... he's six months old."
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"Ooooh," she says. "I see that you are taking the 'get it all over with' approach."
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"I suppose," was all I could muster. I DEFINITELY wanted more kids. But I have to admit that this isn't the timing that I would have chosen. Brian is stoked - he even mentioned just a few weeks ago that we should try to have a little less time between Charlie and the next baby so that we are not 80 with kids still living at home. I'm not sure if this is what he meant then!
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So I guess that we both win this one. It's taken a few days for me to get over the shock of finding out that there is a new guy in my belly, but I know that we can do this and it's going to be alot of fun.... Kids have a way of changing things up just a bit!!!! Now that I have overcome the shock, I am even going to go so far as to say that I am excited - I just LOVE babies, and cannot wait to have another one, no matter the timing.
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We had our first ultrasound, and I cried when I heard that sweet baby's heart beating loud and strong. We are almost 2 months into it - due on October 20. So, Charlie will be a year and 2 months if I deliver on my due date... but then my babies like to come early, so who knows how close they'll actually be. Kailyn is really hoping for a sister, but I don't think that any of us will know until the day of delivery. We'll see...

Looking for the stars

Charlie provides us with so many crack ups each day. A couple of mornings ago, we decided to put some Stars on his tray after he finished all his cereal (and his bananas)...

He is just learning how to grasp little bitty things, and he is not completely coordinated at getting them into his mouth. Add that to the fact that kids this age do not usually understand that things can still exist even if they can't see them, and the combo made for an amusing morning. He would finally get one in his hand, then close his little fist and keep looking around to see what happened to the puff. He was making himself so frustrated that were "gone." It was kind of sad to watch him get so upset, but I couldn't help thinking how absolutely adorable he was. Of course I couldn't get pictures of him with the puff, but thought these were cute anyways.

Kailyn was sweet enough to finally give in and feed him the puffs.

Kailyn's Ballet Performance

Kailyn had her first ballet performance on the 27th at the high school basketball game. All that needs to be said is PRECIOUS!!!!