Lifelong dreams

"My mother always told me some people grow up wanting to be doctors or lawyers or teachers. She wanted to be a mommy," Markham said in a statement. "Her lifelong dream was loving her babies and being a voice for them."

Ashley Markham is one of the 16 children whose parents were recently murdered in Pensacola, FL, where I went to college and then worked before moving to Alaska.

For so many reasons, it has had me thinking about so many things these last few days. Mostly about how sad that such good people had to be taken from this world, but it's also helped me reflect on my own life.

We've had a few tragedies recently here in Valdez, too. This year alone, two dad's were taken way too soon from their very young families. Really, this type of thing seems like it will never happen to you, but why are any of us different from this family in Pensacola or one of the moms here that had possibly the worst possible thing happen and change their lives in a matter of minutes. Seconds even.

We're not different. Those people probably woke up and went about their daily routine just like you and I did. They had no idea that it was their last day to see their kids. Their last day to kiss their spouse. That someone else would be finishing their to-do list. How could they have known that they would not, for whatever reason, get to finish that day?

They didn't.

Which makes me think about my own life. While I can't exactly say that I have ever wanted to die - I've always been pretty happy - I have never wanted to live so badly. If nothing else, these tragedies have reminded me that each day is such a blessing. We are so lucky that for whatever reason, be it God or fate or whatever you believe, you get to walk in this world one more day. You get to see your kids, your spouse, your dog. One more time you get to leave your underwear on the floor even.... the world is completely open to you; you woke up.

I wonder how many people didn't get to do that this morning.

If I sound bleak, I certainly don't mean to. I have been refreshed, if nothing else, by the reminder that life is so delicate. I have been reminded to live each day as if it could be my last, because, really, it could be.

Ashley's quote reminded me of a conversation with Brian one night after dinner. He mentioned that he, as Fire Chief, has reached his life goal. It's what he always wanted to be, and now, at 32 years old, he's there. In those talks, I've always been so proud of him that I never bridged the thought over to myself - I mean, really, how cool is that to be able to say? My thoughts stayed on the excitement I felt for Brian. But today I thought about myself.

It hit me that I, too, have reached my life goal. For as long as I can remember, I would always tell people that I wanted to be a wife, a mom, and a teacher. And look at that. I have been a teacher, though not the kind I would have preferred, and I will be a wife and mother until my last day. How fabulous is that? I, at the very least, got to live to see my life's dreams come true, and I will be living the dream each day until my last.

I hope that the same is true for you =)


p.s. I do know that the pictures are repeats, but they really make me smile.